From ‘Positive Parenting in the Muslim Home’. One of the authors, Noha Alsugharai, licenced MFT speaks about her observations in the Muslim Household.
First the authors speak about the parenting styles.
They speak about “The Dance”
Parenting styles are not as simple or linear as we have presented them above. It’s true that there are households where one style of parenting is prevalent, but there are many households where a hodgepodge of styles exist.
Another “dance” that I (Noha) have observed amongst American Muslim parents is a paradoxical pairing of both permissiveness and authoritarianism. On the one hand, these parents are very exacting and demanding when it comes to religious practices and/or school expectations while very lenient when it comes to material things, routines, and responsibilities. Their rationale for such a dichotomy is that they live in a society where children are permitted to do or behave in ways that do not fit the Islamic paradigm. Accordingly, these parents feel the need to compensate for that deprivation. However, their choice of compensation (buying the latest gadgets, video games, and brands; not expecting them to help around the house; letting go of routines and rules) robs children of essential opportunities to develop life skills. When children come to expect instant gratification, they miss the opportunity to learn patience, perseverance, and delay gratification. Unfortunately, these children grow into adults who struggle greatly as they navigate both work and family life. Sadly, these parents miss the fact that training for life occurs during childhood, utilizing the daily acts of living.